The Ultimate Choice: Loner verses Love

Let’s face it, I’m better at being a loner. Not because I’m selfish but because I’m a giver, to a fault, sacrificing what I want or need so easily to please someone else. Not even telling them, just keeping it all in for fear of rocking a boat I don’t want to rock. I’m not used to chaos, always striven to keep peace and quiet around me as much as I can. I enjoy sitting alone curled up with my laptop or a book. I enjoy setting my bedtime just around me. I believe in happy ever afters but happy ever afters take real, hard work. They take putting yourself in a place of vulnerability which is not an easy feat for me even the slightest bit. Being a loner means I’m only responsible for my own feelings. Being a loner means not having to tell someone else what I need or desire. Being alone allows me the freedom to not have to balance my schedule or routines with anyone else’s. It means not having to say your “I” verbiage bothers me even though I know you probably mean nothing of it. It means not having to admit that I don’t like assuming you want me here, admitting that I want you to tell me you want want me here every day. Being a loner means I don’t have to admit to my insecurities and fears to anyone else. 

But being a loner also means no waking up to your smiling face. It means no first sips of coffee in the morning with you. It means no three to four kisses every time you leave. It means not sitting down at the table for dinner with you and the kids. It takes away the laughter of the kids as they all play hide and seek. Being alone means no duo adventures or date nights. It means trading in what feels good for what has always been comfortable to me in the past. Being a loner means just as the word itself says, it means being alone. 

Being in love takes courage. It takes courage to grow as my routines change, courage to be vulnerable, courage to be honest…courage to love and to allow myself to be loved. 

3 thoughts on “The Ultimate Choice: Loner verses Love

  1. I am 100% better at being a loner, but now I’m in a serious relationship I am learning that it truly is helping me grow in ways I didn’t even imagine were possible because of how much better I am at being alone and how much effort I need to put in accommodating another person in my life.

    1. I think it’s so wonderful that you are growing in your relationship. I think it’s finding a balance. It is easier to be a loner but there’s a balance we must learn because intimacy and connection is important to have in our lives also.

  2. Your first thought reminds me of a quote from “Max Dugan Returns”, in which Nora McPhee (the single mom trying to hide her sweet but escaped-convict father) is dating a police officer. When she refuses to even let him in the door, she says, “I’m trying to keep so many people happy, all at the same time, and I’m not one of them. But don’t give up on me. I’m worth it, I promise.”
    I think many of us are like that, not expressing who we are or what we need in deference to the needs of others.
    SO good, xoxox

Leave a Reply

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons
%d bloggers like this: