The Ultimate Choice: Loner verses Love

Let’s face it, I’m better at being a loner. Not because I’m selfish but because I’m a giver, to a fault, sacrificing what I want or need so easily to please someone else. Not even telling them, just keeping it all in for fear of rocking a boat I don’t want to rock. I’m not used to chaos, always striven to keep peace and quiet around me as much as I can. I enjoy sitting alone curled up with my laptop or a book. I enjoy setting my bedtime just around me. I believe in happy ever afters but happy ever afters take real, hard work. They take putting yourself in a place of vulnerability which is not an easy feat for me even the slightest bit. Being a loner means I’m only responsible for my own feelings. Being a loner means not having to tell someone else what I need or desire. Being alone allows me the freedom to not have to balance my schedule or routines with anyone else’s. It means not having to say your “I” verbiage bothers me even though I know you probably mean nothing of it. It means not having to admit that I don’t like assuming you want me here, admitting that I want you to tell me you want want me here every day. Being a loner means I don’t have to admit to my insecurities and fears to anyone else. 

But being a loner also means no waking up to your smiling face. It means no first sips of coffee in the morning with you. It means no three to four kisses every time you leave. It means not sitting down at the table for dinner with you and the kids. It takes away the laughter of the kids as they all play hide and seek. Being alone means no duo adventures or date nights. It means trading in what feels good for what has always been comfortable to me in the past. Being a loner means just as the word itself says, it means being alone. 

Being in love takes courage. It takes courage to grow as my routines change, courage to be vulnerable, courage to be honest…courage to love and to allow myself to be loved. 

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A Story of Loss and Finding

On the Monday he had texted me crying, I dropped everything and ran to him. A month prior he had told me he needed space because he didn’t know what he wanted. The whole drive there my body was shaking from the anxiety that filled it. I didn’t listen then, but that was my intuition telling me not to go, but instead I pushed on…six days later, I sat at home once again heart broken. 

It wasn’t that I was losing him that hurt the most, maybe it was the disappointment that I couldn’t save us, maybe it was the disappointment in myself that hurt the most. I loved him but I knew we weren’t the best fit. I mean I’m Sally Freaking Sunshine and he’s well Bah-Humbug. But it was the rejection that hurt so much. It was that he didn’t, or couldn’t, love me back the way I loved him. The truth was he drained me, but I stayed with him because I loved him. I loved every one of his broken pieces intensely and purely. I stayed even though I was exhausted, hoping that he would pull himself up eventually. I had looked at him differently than I had at any other man. When he was ugly, through my eyes I saw beauty underneath it all. When he cried, his eyes turned a vibrant blue shining the rawness of his emotions onto me and I fell deeper in love with him. He was telling me he was leaving because he was in love with another woman but I still couldn’t find anger towards him. He had betrayed my love yet all I could feel was hope for him still, hope that he would find his place and his peace. Sorrow and hope both filled my heart, it was an immense confusion of feelings inside of me. The agony of my loss, and the wish for his happiness. The darkness of rejection from him from the love I wasn’t getting back from him mixed with the relief from the burden and pressure from being under his thumb for so long. A sense of disappointment that he didn’t rise to meet my love but also freedom from the discomfort of the same trial. I had become lost in our relationship, in him. We had been walking next to each other but on different paths for so long. 

He told me when we broke up that I had been too good to him. I didn’t understand that at the time. How could you be too good to someone you love? What I was learning though wasn’t that I was too good to him, it was that I wasn’t being good enough to myself when we were together. The love I just gave to him wasn’t enough. I wasn’t being fair. I believe that love can take us many wonderful places but I now know that love must also be fairly given. It isn’t enough to just love another person, I must match that same love to myself. I needed to love myself as much as I had loved him. I needed to feel the same deep hope for my life as I did for his. 

In this break-up I found truth within myself. In my vulnerability and in my sadness I learned a most valuable lesson, that I needed to love myself more. This was my opportunity to love myself fiercely, to love all my own broken pieces purely and fully and to put them where they were meant to be. In that dark moment of loss, I found my own shining light. I found myself again. 


I am so very excited to be able to co-host some of this month’s prompts in #LoveBlog2017  You can check out Brita’s Intro Post to see all upcoming prompts for this month.


Meet Your #LoveBlog Hosts:

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Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. While her first love will always be Paris, she lives happily with her husband Daniel Fleck in the Atlanta area.

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Jessica Lynn is the driving force behind Jessica Lynn Writes, a site about life as a pregnant, new, and toddler mom (currently expecting baby #3), military musings as an Air Force wife, and all the joy, laughter, and hardships life brings along the way. On JLW you’ll find tales about her journey around America, as well as good eats, fun crafts, real-life stories, and more.

 

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Laura is a big dreamer, full time marketing manager, blogger, and part-time artist. She aspires to inspire people in their everyday lives and help them to live towards their dreams and making the most out of their lives. She has been blogging for about 6 years now, more recently finding her glorious niche’ of sharing her stories and thoughts of life and daily inspiration.


Link Up!!!

Enter the #LoveBlog2017 Giveaway!

The #LoveBlog2017 giveaway starts 02/01/2017 and runs through 02/28/2017. While we love our international readers, this is limited to US residents only due to legal restrictions. To learn more about all the sponsors, check out Belle Brita all month long!

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Cheers To Today!

Cheers!

Cheers to being alive,

To being able to love,

To being able to be loved.

Cheers to experiencing adventure in each day,

To feeling everything.

Cheers to the sky, the sun, the moon, and the earth.

Cheers to life,

To having a life to live that is your own.

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This Thanksgiving, when you sit down for your meal remember to feel blessed, for the family, the friends that you have. Remember to feel blessed for being able to have a life to experience. Remember that even when times are tough, there is a lesson there to learn and that there is love in that moment even when you cannot see it. Remember that someone does love you just as you love someone else. Find a reason to be thankful for everything in your life, remember that everything has a purpose. I am thankful for everyone and every experience that I have in my life and I believe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Today when you sit down be thankful for all, say cheers to all. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I am blessed that you are here!

“Be thoughtful. Be genuine. But most of all be thankful.” 

Why It’s Important to Let Go of Toxic Judgments

Today I extend my gratitude for partnership, love, and like minds. This is a post from my dear, fellow, and loving blogger Samantha at www.strivingmommablog.com on acceptance, modeling Mother Teresa’s beliefs, and practicing compassion. We need to understand that everyone walks their own path, everyone has a story, and everyone has their own motivators. Our purpose here is to share love, not to judge. We hold no right to judge. Judgment many times comes from the lack of understanding. Samantha shares her thoughts on judgment and why it is so important to follow Mother Teresa’s words, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Without further ado, Samantha’s words: 

I recently started becoming more active on social media lately after a year’s-long hiatus. I knew of drama being a regular occurrence on Facebook, but I hadn’t been prepared for just how much. A lot of people on my Facebook feed—not to mention on the news and in my everyday life—are being hateful and spewing criticisms about anything and everything. It has really made me take notice of how often I’m judging others, and I’ve come to a conclusion: I have to start letting go of my judgments and personal biases.

I understand completely that differences in opinions or lifestyles can be annoying or even angering. I really do. Sometimes I have a strong urge to tell someone they’re an idiot for believing what they believe. But instead of doing that, I take a moment to tell myself that I’m the one in the wrong. I am the idiot for thinking that. In moments like these, I know I need to take Mother Teresa’s stance: I can’t love others if I judge them.

Maybe I do disagree completely with someone’s beliefs. Maybe we don’t see eye to eye on things, and never will. However, that doesn’t give me the right to judge or condemn them. If I do that, I’m guilty of bigotry, and that isn’t acceptable to me. In my opinion, every person has a duty to be accepting and tolerant of others’ opinions. Even if someone is hateful and rude, I still need to be respectful, because if I’m not…what makes me any better than them?

If you’re respectful and loving rather than judgmental, you’ll be able to gain insight and understanding. You may even form new opinions or beliefs.  You may also stand by your original opinion. However, no matter your personal, political, or religious beliefs, it’s your duty as a human being to love others. You can’t love someone and be judgmental of them at the same time. That isn’t to say you can’t disagree with them; it only means you have to be respectful in your disagreements. Because really, holding on to hateful judgments doesn’t just hurt the other person, it hurts you. Let go of toxic judgments and instead love your fellow humans, regardless of their beliefs.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”   -Mother Teresa

Hear more of Samantha’s thoughts on everyday life at www.strivingmommablog.com or visit her at www.pinterest.com/strivingmomma or at Twitter @StrivingMomma.

I want to thank Samantha for sharing her lesson and her thoughts on this matter. Judgment has become a very sensitive thing in our world and we many times use it as a weapon. The thing about judgement is that it’s like a drug. We may feel at first high and almighty but in truth by being judgmental it’s tearing down our own character. By having this point of view we are not allowing ourselves to be our authentic true selves and give the love we are meant to give, we are not allowing our light of truth to shine. Open your heart, practice understanding through love, and share compassion with yourself and with others.